Let Them Go
by potato-magic
Summary: Remus was finding it wildly frustrating, not just because he wanted to settle the fight they had had the night before, but also because it was unquestionably rude; this was their best friend's wedding and, as the best man, Sirius should be there. -An angsty turned fluffy one shot from the lives of Remus and Sirius.


A/N: I'm really, really sorry for the last two paragraphs. I know it's highly improbably, but I had to. You all understand, right?

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Remus hadn't seen Sirius that morning, and had, after sitting up until four in the morning, assumed that he had stayed at James' place the night before. He had seen him at the ceremony, but that was hardly a time to sit down and work out their differences. And then Sirius had been all but absent from the reception, despite his best man status. Remus was finding it wildly frustrating, not just because he wanted to settle the fight they had had the night before, but also because it was unquestionably rude; this was their best friend's wedding and Sirius should be there.

Remus scanned the reception and still caught no sign of the boy. He sighed and took a drink from the tray of a passing house elf server who was circulating the party. He felt like he needed a drink.

He wasn't even mad over what Sirius had said anymore, he just hated being avoided, and whenever they fought (which as of late had been quite regularly) Sirius always seemed to disappear, sometimes for a day or two if he felt like it and it was driving Remus mad with worry. There was a war on, and not checking in for two days was commonly viewed as unacceptable behaviour. He acted as if Remus wouldn't mind, as if the young lycanthrope didn't have enough of his own problems to deal with.

"Would you like to dance?" A smiling blonde girl asked. She was a muggle he assumed- one of Lily's relatives- but she was slightly intoxicated, and he was in no mood for dancing, even if it was with an attractive girl.

He feigned an apologetic smile, "Sorry, I'm just waiting for my partner to show up."

She gave him a funny look before shrugging, "Maybe later?"

"Sounds good to me," he gave her a polite nod as she walked off, grabbing another drink as she went. She would probably be too drunk later to dance, he assumed as he sipped at his own drink. It didn't taste as good as Lily had made it out to be. It was some sort of rare Goblin import, filled with nutty tones and fruity hues, but to him it tasted like a regular old white. It was moments like this that he was reminded of the difference between him and his fellow marauders, they were all quite well off and knew things like the different notes to look for in goblin wines. Even Sirius was trained in the art of wealth, and knew a whole slew of things that Remus had never considered as something that would need to be known. Just looking around he felt poor, which did nothing to improve his gloomy mood.

It was a beautiful setting, even if it was only the Potter's backyard. The Potter estate and all its surrounding gardens always looked like they should be on the cover of some posh housekeeping magazine. The lawns were always neatly trimmed and the flowers kept in good repair without a petal out of place. That evening the oak trees that lined the back lawn were hung with jars of what looked like fireflies. White enchanted paper lanterns lazily floated overhead. The tables were dressed elegantly in white and gold and all the other party guests were all in their fine dress robes, even the muggle relatives looked nice in their Sunday best. A string quartet played the music which ranged from classical to wizard and muggle pop alike. It was all so lovely, like a scene taken from A Midsummer Night's Dream- all young lovers and fairy lights, except for the tall groomsman in the just slightly too small borrowed dress robes standing near the edge of the dance floor with a sulky expression on his face.

Remus looked over at where James and Lily sat at the head table. They were leaning in very close and speaking as though they were the only two people in the world, despite the party around them. Was that love? And if that was, what did he have with Sirius? The current extent of their relationship was a mix of fighting, worrying over the safety of the other person and makeup/I'm sorry sex. Had their relationship ever been quite words and stolen moments? At first it was secret meetings and hidden encounters, but those were due their want to preserve the marauder dynamic, it had never been tranquil affection. He wanted so desperately to be able to whisper sweet nothings like James and Lily were, but every word started a war, and every touch ignited a flame. They were trapped in heated passion that was beginning to give them burns they didn't quite know how to heal. Was that love?

He downed the rest of his wine in a hefty gulp and grabbed another from a different elf server. Maybe if he got drunk enough he and the muggle girl could run off together. He chuckled to himself_, to see the look on Sirius' face when he got that news!_

"Trying to drown your sorrows?" an all too familiar voice said behind him. Remus nearly gave himself whiplash turning around to see Sirius standing there awkwardly.

"Ha! There isn't enough wine in all of Britain to drown my sorrows." He said, not meeting the other boy's eye. He didn't want to see the look on Sirius' face. He didn't want to forgive him (or fight depending on the look) just yet.

"Perhaps you have too many sorrows," Sirius said, and gently took the glass from his hand and put it on the table. "Come dance with me," the words were sad, and Remus felt a twinge of pain for having contributed to that sadness, though he himself still felt frustrated himself, and sad, and... ugh emotions were so complicated.

Sirius pulled him onto the dance floor as a slow song began to play and the floor cleared somewhat. They held each other as they were accustomed to after all these years, yet neither met their partner's eye; the steps were all too familiar and the music played on.

"I used to imagine that moments like this would be perfect," Sirius said softly, as though his voice were a million miles from himself.

"What do you mean?"

Sirius looked over the lights and partygoers all laughing and smiling and telling tales about the happy couple. "I hoped that one day I would be here- well maybe not hear precisely- but I wanted to be somewhere like this, with someone like you, doing something like this, and I wanted it to be perfect, but..."

"But it's not..." Remus said feeling the knot twisting in his stomach painfully.

"You know I love you," Sirius asked, looking at his companion out of the corner of his eye, "Don't you?"

Remus looked at him, "I do. And I love you too, but..."

"...But sometimes love is a tricky thing." Sirius said. He looked at Remus for a moment, contemplating before he spoke, "I know I don't make you happy anymore."

Remus wondered if this was going to be the moment Sirius left him; this moment of all moments, at James' wedding. His heart was beating wildly out of- was that fear? "Neither of us are happy, but I- I mean, we- In the end..."

"I just want you to know that I want to be with you, but that I understand if you want me gone. I will leave if that's what would make you happy, even though-" he looked at Remus fleetingly, "But I will. I love you so I am offering you the chance to let go."

Remus could feel the tension in the other boy, like his heart was beating even more wildly out of time than Remus' own. He knew what the right thing to say would have been, that it had been great, and that he still loved him and would always cherish their time together, etc. but that it need to end, yet the words seemed to be lodged in his throat refusing to break free. They seemed to know his heart better than he did, and refused to give in to his want to just rip the flimsy bandage they had to keep reapplying off and just break things off.

"Please don't leave me," was all that he said, and his voice sounded fragile and thin and horrible. Yet when he looked into Sirius' eyes, he found them mirroring his own- relief was washing over them like a violent tidal wave. Sirius pulled him in so that they were holding each other close, chests pressed flush together, and the kissed softly and lovingly. It was all the tender affection that had never been given in one all too brief moment.

"I know that I hurt you, and I'm sorry." Sirius said into Remus' ear, blinking back the very unmanly tears that were forming.

Remus felt his arms wrapped around his love, where they were meant to be, where that had always been, and where he hoped they would remain. Sirius meant more to him than Sirius could ever fathom, and the fact that he was willing to go, even if he wanted to remain, made Remus want to stand by him all the more. If you love them let them stay, but never trap them, the door should always be open, and it should be your will and your love holding you in.

They danced together slowly even after the song ended because they were too wrapped up in each other to notice. They were just holding each other, breathing in the other person and soaking in their warmth. It was as though they were the only two people in the world for a time that to them stretched into eternity.

A funny looking young girl watched the two men dancing together and imagined what it would be like to be in love like they were. She wanted a prince charming like that to come and sweep her off her feet and tell her how much he loved her and it would be perfect. In a place like this, with someone like that, at a time like the one she was living in.

"Dora, please!" her mother said sharply, "It's impolite to stare!" The little girl looked away, blushing slightly; it wasn't he fault nothing exciting ever happened to her.


End file.
